The day has finally come.

While driving around the country for my last job, I managed to acquire 5 moving violations in a two-year period. Some of which I feel were unjustly doled out to me while others probably were deserved. They are as follows:

• UNJUST TICKET #1: The only redeeming thing about Texas is that you can drive 70mph on their back roads. Unfortunately, after a few months of trips there I was sent to Michigan where the back roads are 55mph if you’re lucky. I was driving on a back road late at night with a co-worker, soon-to-be boyfriend, and I wanted to impress him with my good driving. So I was being extra careful to go the speed limit: 65mph. Lo and behold, flashing lights pop up behind us. I pull over, completely dumbfounded as to why I’m getting pulled over. Turns out it was 55mph. So the reason I think this is unjust is: 1) how can anyone possibly go 55mph AND 2) I really was TRYING to go the posted speed limit. Apparently, I hadn’t looked to see what that posted speed limit was. Argh.
• UNJUST TICKET #2: Again late at night, but this time driving in Missouri on a lonely dark back road. Listening to a REALLY suspenseful scary point in my book on tape. Now for any of you who know me, or any of you who listen to books on tape, you know that sometimes you find yourself doing things like driving an hour past your exit before realizing it because of the engrossing story you’re listening to. So here I am, staring madly at the road and as the story’s intensity climbs, my foot pushes further down on the gas pedal. Now without any other cars for miles I don’t realize that I’m going 80mph on a probably 55mph road (damn M states and their slow speeds). Because of the subject matter in my book, my mind is of course preoccupied with people in trouble or bad situations, so when I see a car pulled over on the opposite side of the road I immediately worry that something is wrong and this person needs my help. So I slow down with every intention of flipping a bitch in order to go back and help them.
  Well, the damn car was a cop and as I was slowing down he was flipping his own bitch to chase my speeding ass. When he walked up to my car I held up my book on tape box and said, “I was at a REALLY good part in my book and had NO idea how fast I was going.” He laughed and said, “Well, I’ve never heard that one before. Leave your car running so the heater stays on, but come sit in the cruiser with me while I run this.” Strange? I didn’t think so at the time because it was soon-to-snow cold out and he probably didn’t want to ask me any questions while standing in the freezing air. So here I am sitting in a police cruiser on a practically abandoned highway. He was young, cute, and sweet so I decided things could be worse. Let’s face it, I was going 30mph OVER the speed limit.
  Then get this, they couldn’t trace my driver’s license because of the asterisk in the number (I have a four letter last name). I said, “I guess you can’t issue me a ticket then, right,” flashing that smile people have said is my only redeeming characteristic. He appreciated the joke (was it a joke?) but ran the plates instead. Weirdness part two: the car’s plates were registered to a different car. Luckily he believed me when I said, “Hey, it’s a rental. I don’t even know what company makes that car. Do you recognize that symbol?” He didn’t. We laughed. He gave me a ticket for going only 5mph over the speed limit and said I should rethink my book-on-tape habit. Then I climbed back into my warm SUV and started the book up again. You’re probably wondering why I think this is an unjust ticket. Well, I wasn’t purposely speeding AND I even slowed down with intent to help the supposed stranded motorist (which was a stupid idea anyway). So I feel like I had all good intentions. That’s all. But I’ll take the 5mph gift.
• TOTALLY JUSTIFIED TICKET #3: Well, I can’t really remember where I got this one. I’m sure it was probably Virginia. They must have some sort of contest out there by Charlottesville to see which cop can give the most tickets because they were everywhere and if you ask my co-workers, that’s probably the state or county where we scored the most tickets. Scored meaning, those fucking assholes got us every time.
• SOMEWHAT JUSTIFIED TICKETS #4 and #5: Car accident. Big. Huge. Not paying attention. Cruise control on. Saw cars stopped up ahead. Wondered why I wasn’t slowing down. Realized I had cruise control on and had to actually put my foot on the brake. Rental car made me worry about skidding. Plenty of time to stop, but doubted everything in that moment. Big Ravine to the right, gravel lot to the left, chose to cross the oncoming lane (thinking all traffic was stopped). Hit by oncoming Peterbilt Asphalt Truck. Car totaled. Truck driver panicked that he killed passengers. I was the only one in the car. No permanent injuries, but rushed to the hospital in an ambulance none-the-less. Looked like my boyfriend had taken a baseball bat to my body. Couldn’t sit well for a month or two. Long story short. Two tickets. No fine for the tickets. One for crossing an oncoming lane. The other for “careless driving” different from reckless driving. Careless driving is what they give you if you accidentally back into someone’s mailbox. I got off easy. But on my insurance it looks like two moving violations. Equal opportunity tickets.

So why am I reminiscing? Because after a few years of paying $1800 for every 6 months of car insurance, the five tickets have finally dropped off my record. I am now happily paying only $581 for every 6 months. Thank god. Now I can buy a house.