Waikiki, HI
I want everyone to reply in my comments to the following question.
How many of you take vacations with your entire family? (I’m speaking of family in the terms of parents and grown siblings)
If you do take vacations together, what would say is the percentage of fighting that goes on versus pleasant conversation and time spent together?
Lastly, if you don’t ever take trips together then answer the second question pertaining to holidays. I want to know how many people go back to their parents’ house for the holidays and what that is like.
If you are married then explain how things may have changed since you got married.
I’m just curious where my family stands next to the rest of the average American families.
Not me. Well, we went on a few as a kid, but not any more.
1. Don’t really go on family vacations anymore… last one was disneyland back in 2000.. right before I met amy…
2. Not much fighting really.. at least since it’s been my mom/lynn/james
3. As for the holidays, my time with my immediate family is very pleasant… my time with other relations is an endurance test…
4. With Amy around, holidays are much much better.. always have her to fall back upon for affection and entertainment.. she’s da best, yo… 🙂
what else?
I’ve never taken a family vacation as an adult. Nor would I ever want to.
Extended family get togethers occur every year at Christmas. They proceed much as one might expect they would when one gathers two dozen loud, New England Irish Catholics together in one house and supplies them with copious amounts of liquor.
I refuse to answer these questions because ONE – you’re my sister and TWO – Mom might read this and then I’ll get in even worse trouble! (But I would like to point out that every year for the EIGHT years that I was in the Army, I flew home ACROSS the country to visit the family…including the parents, and most of the time I did that TWICE a year!) Holy shit I wish I could have some of those vacations back. Why the heck did I not ever go to Australia like I wanted to?! (Ok, Katie, now you really have to make sure Mom doesn’t read this!)
You were there Katie in Paris and London with my sister and mom, so you saw first hand that it’s about 1/2 fighting and 1/2 fun. That’s probably because the family factor was diluted with you there. With fewer non-family and more family members around the proportion of fighting goes up. So no way to full family vacations!
I actually had a very nice Thanksgiving dinner last week with the entire family (sister, brother, sister-in-law, parents, niece and nephew) and no one fought. I don’t even remember a single curse word uttered. It was quite an atypical, freakish experience.
I wouldn’t necessarily call it fighting, but there is a decent amount of bickering that goes on during our family vacations and functions. I figure everyone needs to get it out at some point, and why not do it with a group of people who love eachother and accept eachother for who they are even if that person is being really petty, and is always wanting things their way, and always crying if they don’t get enough attention, and always complaining about something and…oh…sorry…no one in particular. 🙂 I hope you are having a great time in HI.
i left at 18 and 8 years later have come home. family vacaions as adults are not our thing. My mom’s a huge homebody and spends vacations overseeing home project my dad does. Since I was married we spent one thanksgiving with my family and a Christmas apart with our families because mine weren’t very accepting at the time. I actually made it a point to spend the holidays with the wife since her family is well, only her mom, and her mom tends to work on holidays. can I spend xmas with your family?
Aloha! I’ve done a few adult vacations with my mom & stepdad and am going to see them for a week at Christmas. I generally have a “3 day rule.” 3-4 days seems to be the optimal amount of time to really enjoy them before I want to get out of there and have my adult life back…I’m trying more of an endurance event this year with the 1-week arrangement. Your next entry will, I’m guessing, let us all know how your fam dynamic is going?
Not that my opinion counts because you know how interesting my family is, but here it goes. My family now consists of my mother, my brother and me. Obviously, we don’t take family vacations together,nor did we when we were kids. Family holiday gatherings are also out unless they take place at a neutral location i.e. a restaurant. We spend time together by going to the movies (where we shouldn’t be talking to one another) or by going shopping (another pastime in which you can separate from each other and can sum up your experience waiting in line at the cash register). Quality time or positive quality time is best spent in one neutral location where talking and dirty lookd are at a mimimum. Many people move far away and can only afford to see their family once in awhile. In general, I think adult family vacations are a rarity. Peace out my sista!
We try to take vacations together, but it rarely works out. A weekend at the beach is probably the closest we’ve come, despite multiple attempts. We do, however, get together during most non-religious holidays, as well as a standing invitation to Sunday-dinner at Grandma’s (many make it every week). Fighting doesn’t happen in my family – any problems we have with each other are broached one-on-one when they occur and any fighting happens then. Not married yet, but since coming closer the family visits have become even more important.
We did have one doozy of a fight on one of our trips to Hawaii together, but even that was a couple of Hawaiian vacations ago. Sharon was there, and she didn’t like it. I find that now that she is at every family event I am less likely to fight with my dad (as it makes Sharon very uncomfortable), or he is less likely to fight with me, or maybe we have both matured? (never did fight much with my mom or brother since “adulthood”) Don’t know why, but it keeps getting better and better. Now that there are kids, the fighting has virtually stopped. I think part of it may be that it is not OK with me to fight with my dad in from of my son. Or maybe my dad is better behaved in front of my son? Or maybe we are all just maturing and not taking everything so personally.
Bottom line: we used to fight all the time and now we hardly ever do, and we do vacation together fairly frequently. I recommend getting married and having babies to solve all your problems : ) Ha.
I haven’t taken a vacation with my entire family in YEARS. We were all together in WI in 2000 for the first time since 1977. Seriously, we can’t be in the same room together. (all of us together that is- half of us don’t get a long and that’s an understatement).
We do tend to fight a lot but get over it easily. My mother drove me NUTs this past Thanksgiving.
I am going to FL for Christmas – I go pretty much every year. It wears me out and it’s challenging to keep frustration in check. My family is big on presents and I am not so that’s challenging.
Hey, I just noticed, upon rereading this post, the language KT uses: not “could everyone please reply” or “I’d appreciate it if people would reply.” Nope, it’s “I WANT everyone to reply.”
Typical Katie. Bossy wench…:P
At Thanksgiving this year we finished a 1000 piece puzzle in one night. A new record. We have an understanding that no politics or other issues that we might disagree on will be discussed at the dinner table. Any fighting (which hasn’t really happened since we got out of school and mom quite harassing us about our grades) typically happens in the car. Don’t ask me why. We haven’t had a “family vacation” since my sister got married a few years ago, but that last one was terrific. The only time that my family has travelled without it being some kind of whirlwind educational experience. My experience is that family just gets better and easier as everyone ages.
We have never had the money to take a vacation all together, but we all usually congregate at my parents’ house for Christmas every year. We have a very high tolerance for each other it seems as we usually spend anywhere from 1-4 weeks together and are sad when we part. As far as fighting, it used to be only my dad and I who fought but in recent years I have passed the “annoy dad” torch off to my little brother who takes it to a whole new level. Someone’s gotta do it.
I cannot get that time back — my new favorite phrase. And I think it is quite appropriate in response to your questions. I also find it useful after long meetings with people talking so that they can hear themselves talk.
So, to answer your question(s) –
No family vacations here. I think we know better. There are family visits however. In fact I will be back on the “left” coast for the week between Christmas and New Years. This requires very intentional planning however. I arrive with a clear agenda, because I know what our “family tolerance factor” (FTF) is. The unfortunate part is that others live in some kind of suspended reality where they seem to forget past interludes and dream of sugar plums and Christmas Carols by the fire. We all know that doesn’t actually happen. And if it does, it is fabricated with an undercurrent of tension as we all recall our checkered past of holiday experiences.
Lastly, I don’t know who said it, but having a buffer is sometimes a good idea. Just be careful — you don’t want to subject folks to unnecessary roughness!!
cheers – theresa
Hi Katie,
long time no email. I can’t answer the first question since it’s been about 24 years since all of us, parents, sister and I did something together, and with divorce and the kids leaving the country, that probably didn’t make any of that any easier.
My sister and I separately see our mother probably once a year, and it’s my turn next Saturday when I’m flying out to colder regions.
I have found 10 days to be an acceptable period to spend with your beloved mother. Any more than that and you’re reduced to feeling like a teenager who dreams about massacring their parents.
Any less than 10 days isn’t worth my while with flights to Europe not always being the cheapest – well, maybe I’m just crap at finding the great deals everybody keeps telling me about. Ho hum.
‘Hope that helps.. Email soon!
David
Hi KT! Good to see you made it back from Hawaii safely. No shark attacks, I take it?
My large family has not taken a family vacation together in years. We try to meet up together for New Year’s and Fourth of July, and this year all of my siblings, all 6 plus the kids, made it to my parent’s for Easter, which is unusual. I, of course, was in Boston, particularly at Fenway watching the RedSox, on Easter. Go fig.
This year, however, I have managed to miss every single holiday, but for some reason, I have been okay with that. I will be around for Christmas, but will pprobably be in Orlando watching the Boilers for the bowl game. Missing seeing siblings I have not seen in a year. Next sumkmer we are supposed to take a family vacation to N.C. but I probably won’t go, as I might try to get my butt to Seattle that week. 🙂
Our family is dysfunctional. We don’t talk to each other. I hate that. I want to make an effort now that I get older. I guess I need to make an appearance at family events then??