While driving around the country for my last job, I managed to acquire 5 moving violations in a two-year period. Some of which I feel were unjustly doled out to me while others probably were deserved. They are as follows:

• UNJUST TICKET #1: The only redeeming thing about Texas is that you can drive 70mph on their back roads. Unfortunately, after a few months of trips there I was sent to Michigan where the back roads are 55mph if you’re lucky. I was driving on a back road late at night with a co-worker, soon-to-be boyfriend, and I wanted to impress him with my good driving. So I was being extra careful to go the speed limit: 65mph. Lo and behold, flashing lights pop up behind us. I pull over, completely dumbfounded as to why I’m getting pulled over. Turns out it was 55mph. So the reason I think this is unjust is: 1) how can anyone possibly go 55mph AND 2) I really was TRYING to go the posted speed limit. Apparently, I hadn’t looked to see what that posted speed limit was. Argh.
• UNJUST TICKET #2: Again late at night, but this time driving in Missouri on a lonely dark back road. Listening to a REALLY suspenseful scary point in my book on tape. Now for any of you who know me, or any of you who listen to books on tape, you know that sometimes you find yourself doing things like driving an hour past your exit before realizing it because of the engrossing story you’re listening to. So here I am, staring madly at the road and as the story’s intensity climbs, my foot pushes further down on the gas pedal. Now without any other cars for miles I don’t realize that I’m going 80mph on a probably 55mph road (damn M states and their slow speeds). Because of the subject matter in my book, my mind is of course preoccupied with people in trouble or bad situations, so when I see a car pulled over on the opposite side of the road I immediately worry that something is wrong and this person needs my help. So I slow down with every intention of flipping a bitch in order to go back and help them.
  Well, the damn car was a cop and as I was slowing down he was flipping his own bitch to chase my speeding ass. When he walked up to my car I held up my book on tape box and said, “I was at a REALLY good part in my book and had NO idea how fast I was going.” He laughed and said, “Well, I’ve never heard that one before. Leave your car running so the heater stays on, but come sit in the cruiser with me while I run this.” Strange? I didn’t think so at the time because it was soon-to-snow cold out and he probably didn’t want to ask me any questions while standing in the freezing air. So here I am sitting in a police cruiser on a practically abandoned highway. He was young, cute, and sweet so I decided things could be worse. Let’s face it, I was going 30mph OVER the speed limit.
  Then get this, they couldn’t trace my driver’s license because of the asterisk in the number (I have a four letter last name). I said, “I guess you can’t issue me a ticket then, right,” flashing that smile people have said is my only redeeming characteristic. He appreciated the joke (was it a joke?) but ran the plates instead. Weirdness part two: the car’s plates were registered to a different car. Luckily he believed me when I said, “Hey, it’s a rental. I don’t even know what company makes that car. Do you recognize that symbol?” He didn’t. We laughed. He gave me a ticket for going only 5mph over the speed limit and said I should rethink my book-on-tape habit. Then I climbed back into my warm SUV and started the book up again. You’re probably wondering why I think this is an unjust ticket. Well, I wasn’t purposely speeding AND I even slowed down with intent to help the supposed stranded motorist (which was a stupid idea anyway). So I feel like I had all good intentions. That’s all. But I’ll take the 5mph gift.
• TOTALLY JUSTIFIED TICKET #3: Well, I can’t really remember where I got this one. I’m sure it was probably Virginia. They must have some sort of contest out there by Charlottesville to see which cop can give the most tickets because they were everywhere and if you ask my co-workers, that’s probably the state or county where we scored the most tickets. Scored meaning, those fucking assholes got us every time.
• SOMEWHAT JUSTIFIED TICKETS #4 and #5: Car accident. Big. Huge. Not paying attention. Cruise control on. Saw cars stopped up ahead. Wondered why I wasn’t slowing down. Realized I had cruise control on and had to actually put my foot on the brake. Rental car made me worry about skidding. Plenty of time to stop, but doubted everything in that moment. Big Ravine to the right, gravel lot to the left, chose to cross the oncoming lane (thinking all traffic was stopped). Hit by oncoming Peterbilt Asphalt Truck. Car totaled. Truck driver panicked that he killed passengers. I was the only one in the car. No permanent injuries, but rushed to the hospital in an ambulance none-the-less. Looked like my boyfriend had taken a baseball bat to my body. Couldn’t sit well for a month or two. Long story short. Two tickets. No fine for the tickets. One for crossing an oncoming lane. The other for “careless driving” different from reckless driving. Careless driving is what they give you if you accidentally back into someone’s mailbox. I got off easy. But on my insurance it looks like two moving violations. Equal opportunity tickets.

So why am I reminiscing? Because after a few years of paying $1800 for every 6 months of car insurance, the five tickets have finally dropped off my record. I am now happily paying only $581 for every 6 months. Thank god. Now I can buy a house.

A great trip to Portland and our cult leader KB brought about:

-a transfer from MT to WP
-a subscription to metafilter
-two pairs of great pants from REI only to discover I had a $100 dividend I didn’t know about.
-consumption of the best oatmeal from Kornblatts
-cheese tasting at the gourmet City Market followed by purchase of great cheese and a bottle of 2001 Tedeschi’s Capitel Dei Nicalo Valpolicella which I consumed myself
-the traditional new cd that I let Kris pick out for me
-my first viewing of Kill Bill (awesome!)
-the popping of my Halo2 cherry (I suck at it)
-a personal one on one tutorial in PhotoShop from the guru himself
-and of course the obligatory trip to Powell’s where I walked out with some great books including “The Phantom Tollbooth” which Kris bought for me (thanks Kris!)

Ah yes, a great visit as usual and much needed. But speaking of childhood books and memories (Kris bought me the book because he couldn’t believe I hadn’t read it and I can’t believe it either), I found out something interesting regarding an old childhood song I used to sing all the time.

When I was a little girl my mom would teach us songs and sing with us a lot. At least I remember doing this before I was old enough to go to Montessori and maybe a little after. One of my favorites was “Aloutte” which was in french but I managed to learn it anyway. Of course now upon reading it I realize that I had butchered the language and in my head it looked entirely different. Regardless, the bigger shock was what the translation was. Check it out.

My sister Marie talked me into going to Los Cabos. I said, “Let’s take a vacation in February,” and she said, “Someplace warm!” I responded with, “Well, whatever, let’s just go somewhere.”

So Los Cabos it is. I’m excited about the food, the drinking, the reading, but I’m not really a lie in the sun kind of person. We’ll see how I feel when I come back a lobster. Anyone been there? Any recommendations?

Turns out Olympia is not too shabby. The downtown is reminiscent of San Luis Obispo or parts of Portland. There is a lot going on and great food (which is always key to me liking a town) and I’ve already done more in the last two weeks here than I sometimes do at home in Seattle.

The first week I was here I immediately nestled into my hotel room like an old familiar bathrobe. The only difference is that this time I took advantage of the pool and hot tub. When I was on the road before, there were always too many kids or I was alone and didn’t like hanging out with a bunch of strange businessmen by myself. After some “martinis” (in quotes since it was really just expensive vodka shaken over ice and given a twist of lemon) a few of my co-workers and I enjoyed a dip in the hot tub, followed by an improv game of pool baseball.

Later in the week Jay took me out on the town to listen to some bands. When walking around Oly at night waiting for his friend’s band to play, I was amazed at how many people were out and about and how welcoming everyone was. We wandered into the basement of a house and listened to an off-the-wall group (possibly former drama kids) play a few songs and no one looked at us like, “who the hell are you and what are you doing here.” Especially since I’m starting to feel more and more like an old yuppy. I hate that.

If that wasn’t enough after work activity, the next night we went to Homo A GoGo. We had tickets to see the Indigo Girls (who were amazing as always) but the highlight of the night for me was hearing Mirah play. Jay and Matina introduced me to her music and I can’t get enough of her. I have quite the crush. She is the cutest little thing with a voice that sounds almost like the lead singer of Frente! and she writes and plays with a unique and mesmerizing style. I was hooked instantly and tickled later when I caught sight of her up on the side of the stage during the Indigo Girls just in time to watch her throw her bra at them. She was so discreet about taking it off, you could hardly think of it as scandalous. It was more adorable, if anything.

Later when we wandered out of the concert over to Jay’s friend Josh who was selling Vegan treats to post-concert appetites, I noticed Mirah crouched down in front of the bin of Zucchini wraps and Marionberry Tarts. While Jay talked to Josh about his new vegan cookbook called, “Something Delicious This Way Comes,” I fidgeted excitedly trying to get Jay’s attention so I could point out that the most amazing woman in the world was practically sitting on his feet. But being that he’s 6’6″ with shoes on, he never noticed her. As she grabbed her food and stood up to walk away, I mustered up a wimpy “Great show” and she replied in the sweetest voice, with a dimpled smile, “Thank you.” It was heaven. I’ll have to tell Matina all about it.

The Indigo Girls had a raffle for someone to sing on stage with them. I bought five tickets and didn’t win, but the entire build up to it had me wavering back and forth between hope and fear that I might win. The girl who won did a great job singing “Closer to Fine” with them because you could tell she was just happy to be up there. I have to say though, I was wearing an almost identical outfit to both Amy and Emily, so I think I would have looked great up there with my jeans and T-shirt that had Elmo on the front and “Tickles Wanted” on the back. I even imagined that if I won, they would read my t-shirt and tickle me and I could say I was tickled by Amy and Emily, so bow before me, if you must.

Homo A GoGo is sponsored by the Gender Variant Health Project (GVHP). Check out the site for more info. It was an amazing event and I wish I could have participated in more activities. So that was just my first week in Oly. This is the start of week three of eight. But don’t think I’m done yet. On to a recap of Week Two.

Last week I headed home on Tuesday night in order to go to my XGym on Wednesday. I got to see RAR and Jenna over dinner at Bizarro which is a great Italian restaurant near Greenlake. I highly recommend it. RAR and I looked through our Europe journal and reminisced then I wandered off around midnight to wake up Aaron, who had rolled into Seattle earlier that day. We stayed up talking until 2am, so needless to say, XGym hurt at 6:45am and driving to Oly after that was near dangerous. Still worth it though.

Back in Oly, we went bowling after work and then Jay and I went on a search for some quick Vegan food, which is terribly hard to do when you’re tired and you want something fast. We ended up at Japanese, which was delicious. Thank god this isn’t Iowa.

Can you believe I didn’t blog all this time? I’m only halfway through what I’ve been up to! I went to Jo-Ann Fabrics with another co-worker, Burnsey, and proceeded to be made fun of for being a fabric buying virgin. When Burnsey realized I’d never purchased fabric before, she immediately called Jay (who single-handedly supports most fabric stores) and they laughed together when I walked up sheepishly holding a ream of cloth asking if I was allowed to touch it or if I was supposed to leave it on the shelf and get help. We made a box for Maria’s wedding so people could put donations to Act of Giving in it, but my only real role in the process was to refill Burnsey and Jay’s cups with Whiskey while they glued and ironed the fabric on. Okay, maybe I painted the box, but you hardly see that part anyway.

In the end, I felt more useful with the glue and ribbon once I realized Jay was no longer able to keep a straight line of glue going. I’m quite the bartender.

On Friday, the night before the wedding, I went to dinner with Aaron and Chris, then met up with Leah. I was hyper and talkative in the beginning, but quickly crashed after a long week. Went home around 11:30 and slept hard.

Maria’s wedding was beautiful. The drive up to Vancouver on Saturday was hot and muggy and the day continued that way. The wait at the border was insane and neither Jay nor I had really planned for that. But we showed up in time for some Tofu dogs and then the baby dedication started. Baby Brennan is a doll and the wedding ceremony that followed was equally touching. With Maria and Sharon dancing into the room and sharing their love with everyone, there was hardly a dry eye. At least, mine weren’t dry. I felt fortunate to be a part of it and as Michelle said at the wedding, we look with love and awe at Maria and Sharon and the family they have created wondering how can anyone say that could be wrong. That is a family I want to be a part of and you could tell everyone in the room felt the same way.

After the wedding, Jay and I stayed with some friends of his, Jen and Andy, who had the most adorable 3-year-old named Sam (Second of course to Maria and Sharon’s son Aidan). It was so relaxing to sit with them and listen to their new CD they are about to release and watch Jen paint. Just the way I would want to spend all my weekends. I learned that 3-year-olds say the darndest things and now that Sam has learned about his privates he loves to giggle and say, “I’m going to throw my balls to Makela!” Makela is his best friend, and one day I imagine she will set Sam straight about what he should do with his balls. Until then, he might just be the brightest 3-year-old I know.

As his dad was leaving for work, he ran over to him, gave him a hug and whispered, “I love you Dad. You’re the best Dad ever.” Now how freaking precious is that. Almost makes my clock start ticking.

Maria and Ted are trying to encourage me. We’ll see if I can get back to this. Just not right now.

Or should I say, Kris made bread….

…while I watched like a peeping tom from the dark living room.

I had the fine pleasure of witnessing the Vancouver Madrigals with special holiday guest performer, our very own KB. And let me tell you, it was touching. I even got a little teary eyed during Silent Night. Although I have to say it was strange hearing Kris sing about Baby Jesus. Apparently they don’t believe any of the nursing homes have Jewish people.

As I promised, here is our guy in all his costumed splendor.

And a movie for those with time and a need of a smile.

After a late start yesterday (due to an inaccurate estimate by me of how long it would take me to pack up the massive mess behind Dave’s couch) I got on the road and made it to Portland in 11 hours. I have to confess that it was a fast food day and my stomach felt it, but I ended with a baked potato and salad from Wendy’s so maybe it’s okay.

I just woke up to a great cup of coffee from Kris (while Shoshana slumbers in the next room) but since I’m a new coffee drinker (dropping the mochas and switching to coffee) I still need the sugar, which he doesn’t have. He gave me loads of half and half (which I was surprised he had) and then we finally found some brown sugar.

All is right in the world.

Now we shall head out to see him sing his little heart out in the cutest outfit I’ve ever seen. I shall post pictures (to ensure his embarassment).

Okay, maybe they aren’t doing just that, but I think between my sister Maddy who is deathly afraid of sharks and my overactive imagination (that doesn’t seem so overactive now) we probably will be observing the water from the safety of the shore.

I’ve never been to Hawaii and never wanted to go before, but suddenly it sounds perfect. After all the traveling I’ve done in the last two months (or 4 years is probably more accurate), I’ll be happy to sit on the beach with a drink permanently affixed to my hand. I actually just got back from D.C. because I’m a crazy psycho who thought, “Well, I know I just got back from Europe, but sure, I’d love to hop on a plane for the weekend to go see D.C. with you Dave! What a great idea!” And so I did. It was nice. Great weather. Jen cooked for us and we actually had a bed to sleep in which is like finding the Holy Grail for me these days. But today my neck and back are killing me and I just keep thinking about the fact I will probably be sleeping on the bug-infested floor of our military lodging in Oahu for the next 10 days. You see, I’m the baby in the family so you must understand that means I get the floor as a default, just like I always had to sit in the middle in the car growing up and had to take showers at night instead of in the morning. I don’t know who thought babies were spoiled. I don’t see it.

But you are all probably thinking, “How dare she complain about Hawaii!” And you are right, so I better go pack and get my smile on. Dave and John’s cat Riley is going to miss me for sure though. Every time I sit down he’s in my lap and doing the kneading thing with his paws. If I could just train him to knead my neck. That would be splendid. But for now I have to upset him and get going. Pictures of my travels to come!