But what I’ve discovered from watching the Plastic Surgery shows is that I have been working out more and running more and trying to get into better shape for one main reason. At my age I can reverse the damage I’ve done to my body and hopefully not suffer any irreparable side products. Mainly all the people I see that have lost weight on these shows are having to get all the extra skin removed that wouldn’t snap back into shape. This has a lot to do with rapid weight loss, but also skin elasticity and age.

My point? I don’t ever want to feel like I permanently ruined my body by letting it get too big to recover from. So even though you think watching these shows would brainwash me into believing it’s no big deal to have work done, in actuality it makes me NEVER want to go under a knife and instead to work my ass off so I don’t look back and say, “Why’d I let myself go?”

So there it is. Nothing special.

I’ve complained time and time again about how magazines and movies don’t depict “real” women with “real” bodies, but at what point did I start believing that a real woman was someone who ate whatever she felt like eating and sat around on her butt watching TV or playing on the computer all day every day? And let me say this applies to men as well. So I’m not saying that we should all look like Nicole Kidman with her flat chest and stomach and her stick legs. I’m just saying that I can’t try and use my claim that a real woman is an out of shape chunky girl when really what I should say is that a real woman is whatever her body can be when it’s healthy. Sometimes curvy, sometimes not, sometimes short, sometimes tall, sometimes thick, sometimes waifish. It’s all about body type. But I am using my blog to confess right now that trying to justify my laziness and poor health by saying I am built like a real woman is bullshit.

With that said, I have started with a personal trainer (because I am still too lazy to get myself to go to the gym without an appointment) and I am going to work at eating better (but not a diet, just realistic portions and foods, moderation baby). No more cappuccinno breakfasts. I’ll still have my cappuccino at some point, but I have to eat something first, maybe with a little protein. So nothing insanely drastic that will ultimately fail or make me rebound when the “diet’s” over. Just a slight life change and little more activity. And THEN whatever body I have when I feel like I’m able to hike without hyperventilating, will be what I consider one example of a real woman’s body. What do you think about that?

I can’t believe how many amazingly supportive comments I got from all of you about my running. I think it might be enough to convince me to do it again. Except Aaron’s comments about running with a beer in one hand sounds kind of fun and challenging. I can see myself concentrating, “Come on Katie…don’t spill…don’t spill…don’t spill. Okay, now take a big swig! Way to go!”

With this much input you might all be wondering if I went running again last night or if my prophecy of sitting on my bed with a bag chips came true. The answer is neither. I ended up going for dinner and drinks with Steve and Todd. Drank way too much and then stumbled my way with them over to the new Matrix movie. Let me just say, don’t ever try and watch an action packed, fast paced, people flying everywhere kind of movie when you are sloshed. I had to go to the bathroom twice in fear of losing it and eventually I moved away from the boys into a row all my own so I could stretch out and stop the spinning. They looked at me sort of funny. I think they thought I was repulsed by them. I was just getting a bit claustrophobic in the middle of all the people.

I’m such a ninny. But regardless of the fact I was close to losing my amazing dinner we had eaten earlier, I stilled really enjoyed The Matrix.

WARNING: SLIGHT OPINIONATED MATRIX SPOILER TO FOLLOW (very slight)

My only observation and I’m not sure how I felt about this was that the Matrix was focused more on sex and love this time. Which was both sexually frustrating when you end up having to go back to your hotel room alone, and exciting because well let’s face it, there are a lot of attractive bodies in The Matrix. I have more to say about the movie, but I’ll wait until more people have seen it.

That’s all for now.

Just got in tonight. Went to dinner with Steve and Todd at a Cajun restaurant and the highlight was the Bananas Foster. Neither Steve nor I had ever had it. Delicious!

But then I came back to the hotel and realized there were far too many mirrors in here. That might be nice when you have a little lover to play around with, but instead I kept catching my reflection and thinking, “Who let that fat girl in my room?”

Needless to say I threw my sneakers on and went running. I didn’t get very far and my lungs felt like they were on fire. Actually, it’s been two hours since I ran and my lungs still feel like they were ripped to shreads. Kris Bell once told me that if I decided to start running I could work myself into it and eventually it wouldn’t hurt as badly, but it’s hard to have faith.

Sometimes I understand why people have the fat sucked out of them. I would never do it, but I understand the desperation and especially the laziness. Laziness being the key word. It’s strange how I go about my days thinking I look about 120lbs. and then I see my reflection all of the sudden and am still shocked that I’m no longer that small. Is this the epiphany you were talking about Kris? You said it just hit you one night. Could this be my night where I really start doing something?

Knowning me, it will pass. I’ll be sitting on my bed eating chips this time tomorrow night.